Why don’t we pay more attention to how our bodies feel?
We seem to wait until our bodies insist that we are tired, hungry, in pain, or aroused to put aside what we are doing and tend to its needs. And while we know that our bodies are so much more than a walking container for our minds, souls, emotions, and such, we are often apt to take our bodies for granted and treat them like subordinates to the master mind. Why?
How many times have you found yourself still working on a task at 2am and telling yourself something like—”I don’t need to sleep much tonight. I’ll just power through this one. Mind over matter, right?”
We know the consequences all too well—for example, oversleeping and missing an important meeting, feeling irritable and overwhelmed, saying or doing things you’ll later regret, nodding off on the job or at the wheel (yikes!). So why don’t we give our bodies more consideration and involvement in our overall lives?
A few main reasons, which tend to be interrelated—
- Biological: Our specialized human brains have superb capacities for reasoning, logic, judgment, planning, and critical thinking. We are good at using our minds, as human survival has largely depended on our ancestors’ abilities to exercise their intelligence and resourcefulness, and it can be easy to assume that our bodies are capable of taking a backseat for long durations.
- Psychological: Our personal preferences are often shaped by what we have been taught and rewarded for. From a young age, we receive messages—both implicit and explicit—regarding the importance of and incentives for doing well in school, getting into a good college, landing a good job, working hard, advancing our careers, etc. We feel good when we do well at these tasks, and these tasks generally necessitate that we continually cultivate and exercise our mental capacities. Thus, we feel inclined to keep prioritizing brain-based activities.
- Social: Our society celebrates and rewards intelligence, technological advancements, and increased efficiency. A system based on education and work—with short weekends and limited holidays, in addition to digitization and abstraction of our tools and resources—at work, in school, and at home, trains us to be rather estranged from our physicality.
The bottom line is—we modern humans have become a very cerebral species, and by neglecting to tune into the majority of our physical experience, we miss out on so much.
In addition to making pleasurable and meaningful experiences readily accessible to us, our bodies also provide practical benefits beyond what we might expect.
No Ordinary Sidekick
Consider this: What would it be like if we allowed our bodies to have a more integrated role in our day-to-day activities and tasks, including decision-making, problem solving, and communicating with others?
Take a moment to try envisioning some possibilities.
[…]When you’re ready, here are three examples on what this might look like.
1. Decision-Making
If we allowed our bodies to have a more integrated role in our decision-making processes, we might acknowledge and consider our “gut feelings” more of the time, rather than automatically suppress them or write them off. How many times in life have you wished that you could only just travel back in time to when it all started, and listen to what your gut was already telling you then?
Perhaps you decided to brush aside your mixed feelings, and spring for another date with that one person you weren’t entirely enthused about…
…only to find yourself regularly spending time with them weeks later, doing a less of the things you love, and indulging in the comfort and familiarity that has developed between you two, while feeling a building sense of discontentment and resentment.
Or, maybe you found yourself accepting a string of new projects that came your way, despite experiencing an underlying sense of anxiety regarding your already-busy schedule for the next few weeks…
…only to find yourself skipping workouts, cancelling on social plans, eating poorly, and feeling irritable and on the verge of burnout.
The unfortunate outcome that took place definitely could have been avoided, or at least minimized, had you taken your internal feelings more seriously. Consciously or not, we sometimes ignore telling signs and painful realities in favor of continuing to do what we think we want. (Oh, yes. You know what I’m talking about!) We can compensate for this very human tendency, however, by noticing when we’re stuffing our feelings down, recognizing it as being part of a pattern that doesn’t end well, and choosing a different, more (body)mindful route.
2. Problem Solving & Creativity
If we allowed our bodies to have a more integrated role in our problem solving and creative processes, we might get up and physically move through space in uncharacteristic ways when brainstorming or problem solving, in order to stimulate new or less-utilized neural pathways, and thus help ourselves be able to think outside the box. Quit banging your head against a wall—it’s not your only option. Try approaching the wall from new angles, taking a break, or at the least, banging your head against it in new and creative ways.
Scientists have repeatedly demonstrated that bodily movements can strongly influence mental processes, such as thinking and problem solving, as well as their outcomes. In fact, research on the topic of “embodied cognition” has received significant attention in the field of cognitive sciences since at least 1991 (though there is still a lack of consensus on what it means to be “embodied” and what the implications of embodied cognition would be) (Ziemke, 2016). Still, the persistent theme is that the body is a powerful resource, which should not be considered secondary to the mind.
Our minds may, at times, be the ones assisting our bodies in accomplishing tasks thought to be purely or primarily brain-based, rather than the other way around (Wilson and Golonka, 2013).
The idea of resourcing your body for problem solving and creative purposes certainly opens up a whole Pandora’s box of varying perspectives and considerations, some of which are sure to conflict with others. For now, I’ll just assert that there are better and worse ways of resourcing your body in order to accomplish a goal, depending on the nature of your specific situation.
It is often helpful to first take a break and get some fresh air, go for a 10+ minute walk, and do a few stretches. Although you may feel reluctant or even unable to spare that bit of valuable time which you could be using to work, let’s be real: you are not likely to miss those 15+ minutes (which otherwise might be frittered away on a momentary distraction anyways) and will return to your work tasks feeling at least a little more refreshed, able to think more clearly, and better prepared to handle the rest of the work you have cut out for you.
Exploring the problem—including any givens, constraints, etc.—at hand in a physical, mindful, and inquisitive way is likely to be much more productive, in general, than simply running around the room windmilling your arms at breakneck speeds, hoping to randomly happen upon a solution by way of stimulating the “right” neural pathways. However, if stress relief is what you need, then windmill away! Basic needs first, and again, different methods for different problems. This topic bears further research, and I plan to delve deeper into it in a future post.
3. Conflict Resolution
If we allowed our bodies to have a more integrated role in relationship matters, we might hold hands or maintain some other form of nonthreatening touch (e.g., sitting side to side, or back to back) with our partner(s) during conflict resolution—even though it may feel like the last thing we want to do. When possible, sharing physical contact helps us remain in alliance with each other on a fundamental level, stay grounded in the present moment, and have a constant reminder of each other’s humanity. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take all the support I can get from my partner and give to myself, when navigating stormy relationship waters. That stuff is NOT made to be easy!
When tempers flare, we might not even want to make eye contact with our partner. If so, it may be helpful to first take yourself for a vigorous run and/or long walk, and then try connecting with your partner. You may find an ability to look at the situation through fresh eyes.
This third example, which suggests using the body as an emotional bridge during conflict resolution, touches on a wealth of related bodymind material. For example, emotional distancing is often coupled with physical distancing, including protective body language. During interpersonal conflict resolution, it is often easy to fall into the trap of emotional/physical distancing and begin to view each other as opponents. When this happens, it is challenging to maintain a conscious and constructive exchange. Emotional intensity may rapidly escalate, and when we begin responding reactively to each other, no one wins. Especially in cases like this, tracking our own body language and that of our partner can help us anticipate and avert downward spirals that might otherwise end in an emotional meltdown or a blowout fight.
Being aware of our own body language and internal sensations during conflict resolution also helps us to increase our self-knowledge, draw more connections, and be able to perceive the bigger picture. Check in with yourself: is that tension I’m feeling in my stomach? In my chest, shoulders, or neck? Is my breathing shallower than normal? We may also notice that our body is communicating a different message than our words, or that we have a persistent urge to get more personal space or release pent-up tension. Then, we can start putting more puzzle pieces together, and get to the root of the issue.
A constructive way to honor these urges, or otherwise get out of an emotional/conversational rut, is to go for a solo walk outdoors after agreeing with your partner on a set time and place for checking back in with each other. When checking in, remember that you can request more personal time/space if it is needed.
Indeed, most of us have had the experience of talking or thinking ourselves into a slippery pit of negativity, where everything sucks and there seems to be no immediate way out. In cases like this, giving our well-worn cognitive pathways a rest often works wonders. In other words, when all else fails—and preferably before reaching that point—stop talking, give yourself some space, and get moving!
Self-Collaboration = Everyone Wins
Allowing our bodies and minds to collaborate during conflict resolution, problem solving, decision-making, and our other day-to-day activities and tasks, paves the way for more positive outcomes and experiences for all involved parties (not just you); as compared with an alternate scenario where we rely primarily on our cerebral and verbal capacities.
Still banging your head against that wall..? Stop, please! Take a breather and try something else. If you’re unhappy or in pain, chances are that others who are close to you are suffering too.
Ready to Promote Yourself?
I propose that we can be far happier, healthier, more fulfilled, and, yes, better at life, if we let our bodies share the director’s chair with our minds. More than simply stepping up our exercise regimens, allowing extra time for physical recreation, or preemptively caring for our basic physical needs, this means:
- Valuing and giving greater consideration to your physical sensations, breathing patterns, and body language; and
- Treating physical movement and physical contact as integral elements of your daily activities and tasks.
These practices may take time to get used to, but you stand to benefit quite a bit from including your body in your life even just a little bit more than you do right now. Averting messy crises, devising creative solutions with greater ease and delight, and deftly surfing through stormy relationship waters, knowing you have a friend by your side.. What will you accomplish next?
Snacks for the road
Here are several takeaways that I would like to share with you today—
- Internalize this: You do not need to wait until it is “almost too late” to listen to your body. Every moment is a new opportunity to notice what you are feeling. (It might be important.)
- It all starts with self-awareness. With a curious mind, the rest will follow.
- Body and mind are strongly interconnected. In fact, they are collectively referred to as the “bodymind”. (More on this later.)
- The more integrated your bodymind becomes, the more capacity you have to experience pleasure! The trick is in allowing yourself to receive the pleasure that is already there, at your fingertips. (More on this later, as well.)
I’m also happy to share that at present, there are many interesting and delightful methods that are excellent for tapping into and strengthening your body-mind connection, boosting your holistic wellness, and making strides in your personal evolution and development. These methods are based in dance/movement, somatics, touch, mindfulness, psychology, and more. You can read about them here at dance pants, soon.
My last recommendation? Come prepared with a beginner’s mind and a pair of comfortable pants that are good for moving around in..
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Author’s note: If you’re wondering where all of this is coming from.. well, that’s a good question! What I have to share with you is inspired and informed by a lifelong love of feeling good from the inside out, in addition to my background in contact improv, holistic massage therapy, and experience facilitating special events & an authentic connection-based community circle. I believe that using creative, integrative, and flexible methods for personal wellness and development is the way to go, and I want to share the best of what I discover with you.
Please visit the About page to get a better sense of my personal background and vision for this platform. Be well! ~Amber
** Special thanks to my wonderful partner for providing lots of ideas and inspiration for the relationship and communication strategies discussed in this article. <3! **
References
Ziemke, T. (2016). The body of knowledge: On the role of the living body in grounding embodied cognition. Biosystems, 148, 4-11. doi: 10.1016/j.biosystems.2016.08.005
Wilson, A.D., & Golonka, S. (2013). Embodied Cognition is Not What you Think it is. Frontiers in Psychology, 4, 58. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00058
Photo, “Two shadows“, by C. Viarisio (2016) is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0